<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Now I see you standing all alone by redlipsredledger</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22389301">Now I see you standing all alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipsredledger/pseuds/redlipsredledger'>redlipsredledger</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Are you lost without me too? [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Big Sister Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Clint Barton &amp; Natasha Romanov Friendship, F/M, Gen, Hurt Steve Rogers, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, More of a mention, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Natasha Romanov, Rescue Missions, She's kind of her sister come on, Steve Rogers &amp; Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve and Sharon is very minor, They hate each other... Kinda., Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Yelena belova has issues, Yelena is a pain in the ass, part of a series, you'll understand if you read it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:34:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22389301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipsredledger/pseuds/redlipsredledger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Needing a safe place to hold up while she figures everything out and tries to formulate a solid plan, Natasha finds her way back the only person from her past that she's held to all these years and the only real father figure she had in her darkest days, he wastes no time in telling her that what she's thinking of doing is stupid and that she's a fool for even considering it.</p><p>Natasha naturally thinks he's wrong but is he?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Are you lost without me too? [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>All Marvel works that I like (or most of them)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I've taken my heart out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This series is a bit all over, it starts off with Bobbi then Natasha will have her bit, Steve and the others and then they all join up eventually and it'll be one big thing just keep with me lmao!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was far from ideal. Natasha didn't mind Russian winters but there were limits even for her. She had been moving now for three months, she occasionally checked in with Steve and Sharon who - with Sam in tow - had a few decent leads on Bucky. She was glad for that.</p><p>She still didn't have the heart to tell Steve that she already knew where he was on and off over the years, she didn't have the heart to tell him that she'd tried to look for him and help him herself and that hadn't succeeded but she had tried. She had tried and she'd fought so hard for him and she wished that Steve would understand that someday.</p><p>Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. She knew that her lives - the two that she fought so hard to keep separate - would come crashing together eventually and there was nothing that she could do to stop that now but there was one thing that she had to do here and she couldn't do it with everyone else with her. She'd told Steve that she was just checking in with a few contacts that had been burned when she had and it wasn't entirely a lie. She needed to make sure that they were safe.</p><p>One in particular, a Russian man named Iosef, she'd known him since she was a child. A man that had been kind to her when no one else had and she wanted to make sure that he was still safe. Her files had been a guarantee that he would be, SHIELD sheltered him from afar from anyone that may want to hurt him to get to her but now that protection no longer stood; Natasha didn't have all that many people from her past that she kept in contact with let alone still cared for but he was an exception.</p><p>A father figure that didn't want anything from her but her safety and she'd never had that with anyone else except maybe Nick or Phil, both of them had been good to her but Iosef had protected a wayward child to the best of his ability and soothed many a nightmare after her earlier missions and assured her that someday, the Little Widow would find her way in the world and it'd be away from them, it was almost like he'd known.</p><p>He had always been an intuitive man but he lived in the goddamn mountains. It was smart and she knew it, away from everyone and everything that could potentially cause harm to him and it'd take a hell of a lot for them to get out there and cause him any harm, it had taken her two straight days of walking and by the time she arrived at his cabin she was exhausted, cold and wet from the snow and in desperate need of a hot shower and a hot drink.</p><p>She didn't bother to knock but he raised a gun on her the second she opened the door and Natasha had a playful smile painted on her features as she shook her head. He lived in a rustic old cabin in the middle of nowhere for a damn good reason but Natasha had never been one to complain about that, he had an open door for her and a roaring fire and right now that was what she needed more than anything else in the world. He was probably the only semblance of normalcy she was going to get for a hell of a long time after what had happened.</p><p>She was glad that he was her sense of normalcy though, this was Natasha's safe haven.</p><p>"Put that down before you hurt yourself old man." She watched him lower it then. "I had to come and check in on you, something happened."</p><p>"SHIELD has fallen." He commented, shrugging his shoulders as he placed the gun back on the table. She studied him quizzically. </p><p>How did he know already?</p><p>"I saw the news, little one. Even out here I occasionally bother to attempt to find out what's going on in the world. I like to check in to see if there's news of you. It'd be the only way I'd ever get to find out if something happened to you." He sounded sad then and she shook her head.</p><p>"No, I told them to tell you if I ever-" She had made sure they promised her that they'd find him and tell him. She didn't want him finding out like that. She owed him more than that. </p><p>She owed him more than finding out about her death on the news or in some newspaper that reported on her heroics while being oblivious to her evils; she wouldn't be painted a hero in her death when she'd never considered herself to be one in life, that would be a disservice to her that she'd never abide. Natasha was no hero.</p><p>"Well, do try not to do so before I do. I'm an old man." He chuckled as she rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I'm just as old as you are, well almost anyway." She replied lightly.</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>"I have 25 years on you, little one." He reached out to brush her cheek. "You must accept that some of us will die someday."</p><p>She'd always been adamant that she wouldn't. She'd always been adamant that she'd find a way to save him but he hoped that when the time came, she'd let him die peacefully. He couldn't do it not like she did, he couldn't live forever the way that she did not when all he had left in the world was her, someday she'd tire of an old man and he was sure of it. She didn't need him anymore even if she maintained that she still did. She held to a part of her that she'd long since left behind for his sake.</p><p>She released a sigh then.</p><p>"I wish you didn't have to." She murmured sadly. "I wish you'd let me give you the serum years ago."</p><p>He shook his head again. No.</p><p>"That would never be what I wanted and you know it. I'll die an old man knowing happily that I did all I could for a little girl I promised a long time ago to protect. I watched you grow into a woman, Natalia. I watched you as an assassin and now as a hero and I'll die proudly knowing that you got out like I always said you would." He sat down, standing was tiring for him.</p><p>He was scraping the high end of his 80's now. She hated it.</p><p>"You're already planning on leaving me, you've got a lot of life in you yet." She smiled but it was a sad smile. She knew it wasn't true.</p><p>"No need to be so somber." he took a deep breath in. "I've lived a long and full life. I've achieved all I set out to achieve."</p><p>He studied her carefully. He found himself assessing her for damages that were far more than physical. He could see the sadness in her and it hurt him to see her once again so lost and out there in the cold with nowhere to go potentially facing losing this new life that she'd worked so hard to build. Natasha deserved better.</p><p>"You didn't come all the way out here to discuss how life would take its natural course with me my dear child, so why are you here?"</p><p>"I need your help one final time." And indeed she knew it would be the last time.</p><p>Ah, he knew she'd go back someday.</p><p>"It's a fools errand." He warned gently. "You mustn't allow your nostalgia to cost you your life."</p><p>Her eyes flicked down as she sighed and ran her tongue across frostbitten lips.</p><p>"Let me shower and change and I'll tell you why I think you're wrong." She offered. He nodded.</p><p>"You know where everything is. I still have some of your belongings from the last time you were here." It had been about 10 years. He'd missed her.</p><p>She had been the closest thing that he'd ever come to having children of his own, he'd married but they'd decided against children and his wife had died 11 years ago and since that day he'd lived with loneliness. He had nothing left now aside from Natasha.</p><p>After about 25 minutes, she walked back into the room and sat opposite him free of her gear and looking more natural and like the girl he'd known. He never did like it when she looked like she was on some mission or another. He wanted better for her than that and she knew it. He'd always hoped she'd go on to live a normal life but she never had and that saddened him but this was who she was and he knew it. She'd never do well as a civilian, she'd been in this life for too long.</p><p>"You were going to tell me why I'm still an old fool?" He spoke as he slid a cup of hot coffee toward her.</p><p>She took it gratefully and allowed the warmth to warm her cold hands as she wrapped them around the cup.</p><p>"I don't believe people can't be saved anymore." her eyes moved to him. "I used to. I used to believe that not even she could be redeemed but I was wrong. They know all about who I am and who I became now and I'd rather they found me on my terms."</p><p>That made sense and she knew it. She had to make this on her own terms and not on anyone else's, if she was going to be honest it wasn't just about her saving her wayward counterpart but finding information on <em>Him. </em>If she knew where they'd sent him over the years and what they'd made him do and who they'd turned him into she'd stand a better chance of helping him to pull out of it. </p><p>"You know what she is." He warned gently. "You know what <em>they </em>are. You got out, don't let them pull you back. I couldn't stand it if they took away your mind again."</p><p>He'd lose her forever that way.</p><p>"She's what I was." Natasha knew that. "But if I could be saved, surely someone should try."</p><p>"You have tried, little one." He reminded her. "You owe nothing to any of them anymore."</p><p>Naturally he was going to warn her, he wanted her to know the danger she was getting herself into and he knew that she already did but he hoped that a rational voice would change her mind though he already knew it to be impossible. Natasha was a hard person to dissuade once she got an idea into her head and once he'd liked that strength and determination in her but he hated it when he knew that it put her life in danger. </p><p>"He's free, Iosef. If I can come back-" She released a sigh. Her voice sounded so quiet.</p><p>The old man studied his little girl sadly, to him she would always be his little girl. The girl that had been so stubborn, so strong and so much more than anyone had ever made her into and he would always be proud of her strength but he would always love her and he'd always watch over her until his dying day because that was what a father did and he saw her as his own daughter, he knew she knew that.</p><p>"Your beloved." He stated gently. He reached out to place his hand on hers.</p><p>"You want to save them both but at what cost? I beg of you, don't lose yourself to this. SHIELD falling has exposed you, you have no protection, no backup, no extraction. You're going in recklessly with a hope that might get you killed. Sometimes you have to let it go as much as it hurts you." He was pleading with her now.</p><p><em>Don't do this. </em>He couldn't stand to lose her like that.</p><p>"I have to try. I have to what I can to bring him back. I have to reach her because if I don't, I'll die at her hands and I won't have that. They'll make her kill me because they know it'll hurt more and then he'll have no one to protect him, they'll kill my friends and everyone I've come to care about. He'll have no one to stand between them and them taking him back again. I'm the only one that knows what they are well enough to stop them reaching out and destroying him again. Yelena was just a child like me. A girl that had no choice so I want to give her one. If I can give her a shot and reach through I take away the best weapon they left." She'd tried before, he knew that she'd tried before.</p><p>Yelena though was the only person that knew her and James well enough to give them any form of a challenge. Yelena would be their best chance at killing her and their best chance at besting The Winter Soldier for long enough for them to subdue and control him again. She couldn't let that happen. She knew that Yelena would be too tempted into hand to hand combat with her, she wouldn't take a shot through a rifle metres away, she'd want it to be up close and Natasha needed that to happen.</p><p>"She isn't worth your life." He had to caution her. He had to make sure she realised that. "I implore you to think twice."</p><p>If he knew she was going in knowing exactly what it was she was fighting for and how much it may cost her for what could be a pointless endeavor he'd know he did all he could for her. He'd know he did all he could to save her in whatever way he could and that was all he could do.</p><p>"I won't change my mind, old man. You know me better than that." She was adamant that all of this would be on her own terms. She was adamant that if she were going to be hunted, she'd take the damn fight to them first.</p><p>She wouldn't let them best her.</p><p>"Well then I'll get you supplied up well. I'll reach out to whomever I still know in that world and I'll get you everything I can so you're not unprepared." He sounded almost defeated.</p><p>If that was all he could do to protect her that was fine. If all he could do was make sure that she didn't go in without any supplies then he'd do that for her gladly. He'd make sure she damn well knew he wasn't particularly fond of the idea but he wouldn't stand in her way, Natasha was strong. He'd always known she was strong.</p><p>"You be careful, I don't want you blowing your safety for me." She glanced up at him as she spoke.</p><p>He just offered her a dismissive look though.</p><p>"If I die then I'll have died for a worthwhile reason. I always would've rather gone out fighting anyway." He shrugged.</p><p>Natasha studied him and her brow furrowed.</p><p>"How long?" </p><p>"Maybe three months." He replied with a soft, regretful look.</p><p>"Were you going to tell me?" She sounded hurt.</p><p>"Of course. I had a few more things to get figured out first but I was going to tell you, little one. You're the only family I have left." He reassured her as he patted her hand.</p><p>"You'd better not have intended to die out here alone." If she had to find him dead, it'd break her heart.</p><p>"Never. You'd never forgive me." He yawned as he spoke. "Now, you dwelling on that'll do neither of us any good. Eat something, get some sleep. I'll do all I can for you like I always have."</p><p>He cared so very deeply for her, his Little one. She had always been so much more than their deadly little spider, their perfect little assassin. He'd known her before she graduated the program. He'd known her when she was just a scared, foolish child that had nightmares about what she was put through and a teenager that screamed out the names of those she'd killed in her sleep. He'd seen her before and he'd cared just as much for her after.</p><p>He'd always made sure that she knew she was never alone. He had to leave her that was true enough but death came for everyone human eventually and while she would endure for years after he was gone, he'd make sure that his protection held up. She would never, ever be alone. She would never be helpless. She would never ever have to fear having nowhere to turn and he'd made sure of that. </p><p>He may be a foolish old man but he still had friends out there in the world and friends that owed him a lot of favors, favors he'd traded in in these his final months for her sake and he didn't regret that one bit. He watched as she finished her food and rose from her chair, she leaned down to kiss him on the top of the head. She had always been the dutiful daughter and it pained him to know that he had to leave her.</p><p>"Time comes for us all eventually, my dear. Don't you let this distract you." He spoke gently as he watched her.</p><p>She nodded but she released a sigh anyway. He knew it'd play on her mind which was exactly why he hadn't wanted to tell her yet. Ah, Natasha, you never did have good timing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Don't lie to yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Can Natasha really trust Yelena? Time will tell if she's taking a chance on the wrong person but one thing is for sure: If Yelena decides to run the two of them will need one another to stay alive and Natasha needs Yelena to atone for some of her past and for help figuring out what the hell they did to James for all those years and Yelena needs Natasha to learn how to be a person if she chooses to walk away.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She didn't feel the cold, not anymore. She was right though it had been easy enough to make it known where she was and that was why she sat outside of a cafe in Kazan, Russia. She always liked the city, at night it almost looked magic. She remembered having a mission here when she'd been in her late teens and she'd found it to be one of the most beautiful places she'd ever been. She liked the fact that you could look over the water and it was just beautiful.</p><p>Night time strolls were romantic for couples along the pier, she'd never found appeal in any of that stuff. She hadn't had the luxury of it though; she'd merely had stolen moments with the person she loved, perhaps if she'd been allowed to live a normal life she might have understood why so many people liked things like that. All her life had been under someone else's control on some level or another and lastly just when she thought that she'd been free, she'd been used by HYDRA.</p><p>They'd taken away her freedom again just like they had his. They were right, she was never truly free. Freedom was just as fickle as trust was, she thought she'd known just who she was killing for but it turned out she'd never escaped the world that she'd been running away from for over 30 years. It was ironic, or it would be if it wasn't such a goddamn horrible thing to live with. She thought for once she was doing the right thing but she was a puppet on a string.</p><p>Again.</p><p>That pissed her off beyond all belief. Her green eyes flicked up from her coffee cup as she watched the blonde sit down in the seat opposite her and she pushed forward another cup with a smirk playing on her lips. The blonde assessed it dubiously before Natasha rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I brought you here to talk not to kill you. If I was gonna kill you Yelena, it wouldn't be so public." Natasha spoke playfully.</p><p>Yelena did not seem to find her efforts so amusing. She crossed her arms across her chest and assessed Natasha with judging eyes not that it bothered her in the slightest. She merely leaned back in her chair and picked up her cup again glad for the heat warming up quickly deadening fingers. Her green eyes still flicked from one rooftop to another anyway, she wouldn't put it past any of them to shoot her dead. It was a risk but... </p><p>What was a little tactical risk between frenemies?</p><p>"I've had decades to kill you, you're being ridiculous." Natasha spoke before she shook her head.</p><p>"You couldn't kill me, Natalia." Yelena commented offhandedly.</p><p>Natasha laughed giving her an incredulous look before she placed her cup down on the table. Yelena was just as old as she was and yet she looked just as young as Natasha, both of them - very much like Rogers and Barnes - were people that had long outlived their own times. They should be old women now, perhaps with grandchildren and great grandchildren and stories of lives well lived instead they were assassins with eternal youth and a kill count.</p><p>"We both know that isn't true. I've bested you how many times now?" Natasha sounded arrogant as she spoke just because she knew it'd irk the blonde.</p><p>Yelena scowled at her. She'd gone through years of training since then but so had Natasha, she'd gone through SHIELD training which Yelena had to admit gave her an advantage of its own but it also made her soft. It made her weaker. That moral compass of hers meant that she'd think twice now before she killed someone but Yelena didn't have that problem and that moments hesitation could be the difference between life and death.</p><p>If only Yelena knew how wrong her assessment was.</p><p>Natasha really hadn't changed all that much from her days in The Red Room, the only thing that had changed was that everything she'd done was her own choice or so she thought... Her hand clenched into fists at the thought. Yelena naturally noticed, she rose a brow at Natasha's reaction.</p><p>"You really didn't suspect a thing did you?" Yelena sounded mocking as she spoke. </p><p>That irritated Natasha even more but she maintained her calm, her expression remained neutral even though it had bothered her more than she wanted to admit, of course she'd known. Yelena had been their pet now for decades ever since Natasha had defected. They'd sent her to try to kill Natasha a number of times before Natasha fell under the protection of SHIELD.</p><p>"What does it matter? That isn't why I brought you here." Natasha replied coolly. </p><p>Yelena smirked at her triumph.</p><p>"Oh, what's wrong Natalia? You sound so disheartened." The blonde assassin chuckled.</p><p>Natasha narrowed her eyes. She'd almost forgotten what a huge pain in the ass Yelena could be. Almost.</p><p>"If you're trying to distract me so your little friends can get a decent shot I wouldn't bother." Natasha shrugged. </p><p>"If anyone is killing you it's going to be me. I'm surprised you're brave enough to be out in the open like this, we all know who and what you are now. The <em>world </em>knows what you are." Yelena finally reached for the coffee cup.</p><p>"Call it a tactical risk." She murmured. "I figure if you were going to kill me you'd want it to be somewhere quieter."</p><p>Yelena rose a brow then, she knew Natasha was right. If she killed her out in the open like this it'd be messy and her handlers didn't like messy. She'd have to get out quick and trust local law was slow and even then, her face would be all over the news and she'd be wanted yet again. She glowered at Natasha. She hated the fact that she was right.</p><p>"That's what I thought." Natasha replied smugly. "I have a proposition for you."</p><p>Yelena studied Natasha curiously then. She tilted her head to the side before her brow furrowed clearly confused as to why Natalia Romanova - one of the best Red Room graduates to ever exist - would sit there and think for even a second that she could persuade Yelena to do anything but be loyal to her handlers, it was what she was programmed to do after all. </p><p>"What do you mean?" She found herself saying against her better judgment. </p><p>"I want you to come with me, don't go back. I'm burned and I know you know that already so you know me being here is a risk that I shouldn't be taking but here I am. I can help you." Natasha sounded sincere as she spoke.</p><p>Yelena scoffed and Natasha rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Are you truly that much of a fool, Natalia?" She let out a humorless laugh. "You know you have a price on your head, why would I be stupid enough to join you?"</p><p>It was true, Natasha had more than enough people that'd pay gladly for her death but she didn't care, she'd never cared about that she'd always guessed this long life of hers would end someday but it wouldn't be here and it wouldn't be now. It wouldn't be at the hands of the same people that had already taken away so much of her life, it wouldn't be at the hands of the people that had turned her into a weapon.</p><p>"Then claim it." Natasha shrugged sounding indifferent. "Kill me." </p><p>Yelena looked troubled then, was she truly so cavalier about her life these days? Did Natalia truly think she had so little to live for? She supposed that she'd already figured out sooner or later she had to stop running, sooner or later the protection that had kept her alive over the last 18 years would run out and she'd be an open target for anyone that wanted to take her out but she hadn't thought that she'd be so willing to accept her fate. Natalia was too much of a fighter for that, she always had been. It had to be a trick.</p><p>"I'm not falling for that." She rolled her eyes, did she truly think she was that stupid? </p><p>Yelena was smart and Natasha knew that already. She was just as smart herself so to consider her a fool was insulting at best. Yelena was already annoyed enough that Natalia had the gall to sit here speaking to her with her American accent, she'd truly turned her back on her motherland. She was a traitor, that was what Yelena had been told for decades now. Natalia was a traitor that deserved a traitors death.</p><p>"It's not a trick. If you really believe I deserve to die kill me but I don't think you do. You remember us as children. You remember and I know you do." She sounded somewhat gentle as she spoke.</p><p>Appealing to her better nature wouldn't work and she knew it, she doubted that Yelena even cared and that was fine she didn't need her to care she just needed her to realise that the two of them weren't all that different, she'd known that once upon a time. They'd both been children taken to a dark place thinking that they had a choice in the matter and turned into living, breathing weapons.</p><p>"This is about The Winter Soldier." Yelena stated flatly.</p><p>Natasha shook her head. </p><p>"This is about you and me. I want you to come with me and walk away from all of this. Choose for the first time in your life. Choose what <em>you </em>want to do. I can walk away from here right now and we'll be the same as we always were and keep up our pointless rivalry where you keep trying and failing to kill me or you can realise that what I'm saying to you is true: You're nothing to them. You're just a weapon that'll someday outlive her purpose. You've seen it happen. We've been made to end people just like us so you can't sit there and tell me I'm wrong."</p><p>"You aren't wrong." Yelena conceded. "But if I were to bring you in I'd prolong my life and make them proud."</p><p>"<em>Listen </em>to yourself!" Natasha argued. "Yelena, you're living your whole goddamn life for them and for what? To meet a bullet someday? Look at me, I got out and I'm alive so you know it's possible. I may have a price on my head but I'm <em>free. </em>I get to choose. I get to pick my fights. I get friends. I get a life."</p><p>There was a flicker in Yelena's eyes and Natasha smiled, a gentle smile as she reached out to place her hand over her blonde counterparts. She studied her and in that moment she realised that she had been right indeed: The two of them weren't all that different. She'd been under control to this day whether she knew it or not but now she truly was free. Now she truly had the chance to choose for herself and never again would she fall under the control of <em>any </em>agency or government.</p><p>"I can't." She replied stubbornly. "They'll make sure I never stop running."</p><p>"I stopped. I stopped running a long time ago." Natasha shrugged.</p><p>"You are running now just the same as every other SHIELD agent out there." Yelena replied with a raised brow.</p><p>"I'm not running, I'm here to fix something I did wrong years ago. I know I have a hell of a fight ahead of me and I don't know what my future holds but I'll fight until I can't anymore. I'll fight until the day comes that someone does finally kill me but I can promise you that won't be today and it won't be at your hand." Natasha breathed out a sigh.</p><p>She'd known this wouldn't be easy. She flicked her eyes away from Yelena for a moment to watch the setting sun over the river and it brought a fond smile to her lips as she looked back at her and inclined her head for Yelena to look.</p><p>"When was the last time you were allowed to see a sunset?" She questioned.</p><p>Yelena looked contemplative then. She hadn't been able to sit outside and watch something so normal in a long time. She hadn't been able to sit there and appreciate just for a moment that the world <em>could </em>be beautiful because moments like that were no use to her handlers. She wasn't supposed to be human, she was never supposed to appreciate the little things in life like that. She wasn't supposed to stop to watch the natural beauties of the world.</p><p>"Not for a long time." Yelena replied softly. A smile touched her features as she watched the colors in the sky and the reflection of the fading sun on the water.</p><p>"Leave with me, Yelena. I'll protect you I promise just like I should've all those years ago." Natasha sounded like a concerned family member in that moment trying to save someone from a life of hell.</p><p>She was, she truly was. Yelena was the closest thing that she'd ever had to a sister since her own siblings had died when she'd been a child. When they were kids - despite their rivalries - the two of them were all they had. Other girls in their class were nowhere near as skilled as they were and both of them knew that it was only a matter of time before they died but Natasha and Yelena were the best which was why they'd survived.</p><p>"You didn't protect me. You left and you didn't look back." Yelena flicked her eyes to her lap then.</p><p>"You're wrong, I did look back. I tried to find you just like I tried to find him but you know as well as I do that they rarely keep their assets in the same place for long." She offered Yelena an apologetic look.</p><p>The blonde knew she was right though, they moved them constantly so that no one could track them easily; a program like that made enemies and it made no sense for them to expose their assets or risk a rescue effort or worse: An assassination while they were slumbering in their stasis. Moving was tactical. Moving was smart.</p><p>"You're lying." She murmured defensively. </p><p>Natasha shook her head.</p><p>"I have no reason to lie to you. I'm asking you to trust me, where would lying get me?" </p><p>She had a point and Yelena knew it. She didn't have to like it but she knew it. Natalia had no reason at this point to continue any lies not when she'd taken such a chance and put herself out in the open like this just to ask her to trust her.</p><p>"And if I say yes?"</p><p>"Then you're in for a hell of a ride but the end result is worth it." She found herself hoping that she could truly reach her.</p><p>Don't go back there, for goodness sake don't go back. She knew Yelena would face punishment for not killing her and she knew Yelena knew it too. She'd face an untold pain and this would be considered a failure of the highest degree. She was putting her life on the line if she went back and it wasn't worth it.</p><p>"They'll hurt you or worse if you go back without killing me or bringing me in with you and you could. You could try to do either of those things but you'll keep thinking about the chance that I offered you so <em>take it. </em>Take a shot at having your own life. Take a shot at choosing for yourself and come with me." Natasha shrugged as she leaned back in her chair.</p><p>Yelena turned the coffee cup around in her hands and studied the redhead like she was trying to work out what the catch was in her offer but Natalia looked sincere. She wanted to find fault in what she was saying simply so that she'd have a reason to do what she knew she ought to do and take her in or kill her. She had poisons, they were always well equipped out in the field but she hadn't hidden, in fact she'd put herself out in the open regardless of the dangers to herself and that made her curious. </p><p>If she truly intended to double cross her or ultimately cause her harm, she wouldn't have allowed herself to be out in the open for as long as she had and she wouldn't have kept up this conversation as long as she had. She was offering Yelena trust that she had no reason to offer. She was opening herself up to death simply to ask her to choose for herself for a change. How curious. </p><p>"If you do <em>anything </em>I swear I will kill you." Yelena warned. "I will not trust you twice."</p><p>Her handlers wouldn't even like that she was willing to trust her once. Yelena twitched at the thought. Natasha leaned forward again and offered her a soft smile.</p><p>"Is that a yes?" Natasha rose a brow as she spoke. Huh. That might have actually worked.</p><p>"You are right, I won't kill you and so I'll face punishment though I'm unsure why I won't. I should kill you, that is what I was ordered to do and yet I'm unsure why I'm unable to complete it." Yelena sounded annoyed at herself as she spoke.</p><p>Natasha chuckled.</p><p>"Because you know if you kill me you lose the last chance you have to ever earn your freedom. You lose the last person out here that'll fight for you. I haven't killed you over the years when we've gone toe to toe though I could've and you haven't killed me so we can either keep our impasse until one of us dies or we can work together and learn to trust one another like we did as children."</p><p>Yelena Belova did not like the thought of her life being in Natalia's hands but what else could she do? She could be dead by the end of today for her hesitation and so her choices were quite literally walk away now or face what could be a certain death by the end of tonight. The thought was not all too tempting if she was going to be honest with herself. Natalia's offer could end in her death too but it could also end in a life of her own for the first time ever.</p><p>"That isn't answering my question." Natasha replied.</p><p>Yelena rolled her eyes at her.</p><p>"Fine. I'll come with you but one wrong move and I will end you."</p><p>Natasha laughed again.</p><p>"Yeah, good luck with that and it's Natasha by the way. Natalia is who I used to be. I'm not that person anymore." </p><p>Yelena looked indifferent.</p><p>"You'll always be Natalia no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise."</p><p>"Just shut up and move your ass, we've got a long trip ahead of us." Natasha replied, she rolled her eyes.</p><p>Yelena raised a brow then.</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>"Siberia then wherever the hell his files lead us. The last place I knew the two of you were was Siberia. I want your files destroyed and I need to know what's in his but I know a few places between here and there that we can hide out." Natasha stood up then.</p><p>Yelena's brow furrowed.</p><p>"So soon? You think I should go back to a facility so soon?" She sounded worried.</p><p>Natasha could hardly blame her. It was dangerous and they both knew that. </p><p>"Not right away so don't freak out. We need to get you someplace safe to ride out the hell you're about to go through when all of this crap wears off. Your programming and the stuff they put into your system will all leave and it'll be painful. I'm gonna take you somewhere safe and we'll figure out what the hell we do after that. You and I need to work together and I have a few things I need to do before either of us is ready for that."</p><p>Yelena's shoulders sagged in relief, while she didn't like the sound of the pain she was about to go through she was glad at the very least she wouldn't have to go back so soon. She wasn't ready for that yet...</p><p>What she didn't know was that Natasha wasn't either.</p><p>Going back there still scared the hell out of her. Talking an asset into leaving her world behind and coming with her? Check. Finding a safe place to go with said asset was a little more tricky. Iosef couldn't be involved in this. At this point she was thankful for her network of safe houses and drops along the way. She wondered if he'd have left anything for her in any of them but she doubted he even remembered her at this point.</p><p>She couldn't help but sigh.</p><p>"C'mon, we need to go. Please tell me you don't have a backup team waiting?" She should've asked that before.</p><p>Yelena shook her head though. Natasha still looked worried regardless but she had to prove she trusted her one way or another so she nodded her head. </p><p>"Good." That'd make it easier.</p><p>Rule number one of being on the run: Don't run, walk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. She fights with fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yelena - working through her recovery - helps Natasha to find their first target but she offers her one warning in the process: She might not like what it is she's digging into. Natasha truly thinks she's been into hell before but has she or is she being played without even realising it?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ugh idek. I'm just sleep deprived. Let me know if you think it sucks lmao.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yelena Belova spent three whole days curled up trying her damn best not to move because every single time she did her head started to throb all over again. She'd yelled, screamed, cursed and tried to shoot Natasha about 22 times so far and each time she'd had the gun taken off of her and told to stop acting like a moody teenager. No one was shooting anyone no matter how much they were driving each other insane. </p><p>The redhead released a sigh as she turned to look at her and placed the coffee cup down in front of her. It was day four and she looked like shit. Natasha shook her head gently at her and released a sigh. She knew exactly what she was going through, it was horrible. She knew it took everything you had to hold on and this was the very first time that Yelena had ever truly <em>come down </em>for lack of a better term. This was the first time that it was all truly out of her system.</p><p>Or getting there anyway.</p><p>"It's almost over." Natasha promised.</p><p>Yelena narrowed blue eyes and reached around for something to throw at her, she found nothing but the pillow she'd been leaned against so that was launched at the redhead who caught it effortlessly with a laugh. </p><p>"See? You're already getting stronger." Natasha teased lightly. "Eat, drink something. You need all the strength you can get."</p><p>She spoke from experience there. She'd have helped Yelena better through all of the pain if there was a way to do it without it being probably one of the most painful experiences that she'd ever endured but nothing worked for people like them. Their metabolism burned through pretty much everything without it ever really taking a hold in the process which was why they couldn't get drunk either. They could have fun trying though...</p><p>She had plenty of times.</p><p>"I hate you." Yelena replied with narrowed eyes.</p><p>Natasha tossed the pillow back at her and rolled her eyes at her with a smirk.</p><p>"You've been saying that for 70 years, you'll get over it." </p><p>"You are <em>not </em>funny." The blonde spoke as her hand moved back to her head.</p><p>"Uh huh, you tell yourself that if it makes you feel better." Natasha replied with a shrug.</p><p>Yelena breathed out a heavy sigh. She knew Natasha was just trying to distract her and she appreciated it she truly did because the pain on occasion felt utterly unbearable and she'd managed so far to scream her way through most of it (which didn't help the headache at all but it helped the frustration) and that had been about as good as it had gotten. The fatigue she was going through honestly felt like it went down to her bones.</p><p>How could you be tired to your bones? She hadn't thought this level of horrible was even possible but she had been warned about it. Natasha had explained everything she'd go through during this whole process and admittedly she had to admit that she was wrong when she'd told Natasha that she was certain she was just being dramatic and that she'd handle it just fine. She was not handling it just fine at all. It was just as horrible as she'd been warned it was.</p><p>"When?" Yelena questioned turning blue eyes to Natasha.</p><p>"When what? When will it stop? Two or three days maybe. You'll start to feel better tomorrow or the day after and you'll start to get your strength back. You need to eat. You need to eat and drink and sleep as much as you can it'll make it less severe." Sleep was the only thing she'd found that abated it even remotely.</p><p>"Unfortunately I can't medically sedate you through it or trust me I would. You're whiny." Natasha let out a small laugh then, even Yelena laughed.</p><p>See? Improvement. Her expression became more serious though as she studied the blonde and sat down opposite her.</p><p>"Seriously though, how're you doing? I don't mean your head, I don't mean that crap leaving your system I mean <em>you. </em>This is- This must be weird for you."</p><p>The blonde flicked her eyes down to her lap and she rang her hands together as she shrugged her shoulders gently. She could honestly say that she had no idea what to do with herself now that she was able to choose for herself.</p><p>"I still feel like I should go back to them it's like a pull." She spoke quietly. "I'm a traitor."</p><p>Natasha shook her head at her words and reached out to place her hand on Yelena's knee.</p><p>"No, you're not a traitor. <em>They </em>betrayed us when they used us, stripped us down and made us into killing machines that weren't ever allowed anything real in their lives. We're nothing to them and we never will be and I promise you, you have a better chance of staying alive staying with me. The urge to go back? It'll fade. I had it myself. It's just whatever is left of the programming in your head but I promise it'll go." She offered her a weak smile.</p><p>Yelena looked toward Natasha uncertainly as she studied her, she sure as hell hoped that Nat was right and the urge would abate because it was taking everything she had not to run back. It was so deeply conditioned into them that they needed their handlers that being away from all of that felt somehow wrong. Natasha kept telling her life shouldn't be like that and she knew she was right but it wasn't easy for her to break free of it. She'd chosen to leave without even really thinking about it.</p><p>She had nothing out here in the world not like Natasha did.</p><p>"Your government will lock me up, ours will kill me. I have nowhere to go and nothing to find out here, not like you. I was stupid to follow you here." </p><p>"That's where you're wrong, I won't let anyone lock you up. I won't let anyone lay a hand on you and if they try they'll regret it. We're family or at least as close to it as either of us has never really had. If you want a life I'll help you find one." Natasha replied.</p><p>Yelena's brow rose.</p><p>"What're you doing, Natalia? You came here for me but why? What mission is it you're on that makes you need <em>my </em>help?" </p><p>"Honestly? You're the best chance they had at stopping me or subduing him and I couldn't let that happen. I chose tactically to bring you out of it rather than one of us killing the other, you know that's never what I wanted. I don't wanna hurt you, Yelena. I don't want your death on my hands." Natasha spoke honestly.</p><p>What was the use in lying?</p><p>"And what is it I would stop you from doing?" The blonde replied curiously. </p><p>"Finding out what they did to him and how the hell I stop every person he and I crossed from coming after both of us." Or everyone they cared about.</p><p>Both options were just as scary and she wasn't scared of much in life, she knew that she'd had people out there for decades now that wanted to kill her but that hadn't bothered her. SHIELD had kept that at bay as best that they could but now she was exposed and if word of him getting out too had been whispered through that dark world? They were both in the crosshairs of someone's gun and she was going to stop them before they had the chance to pull the trigger.</p><p>"They'd rather him be dead than an enemy." Yelena conceded. "You're absolutely right, as long as those that owned you both live you'll be a target."</p><p>So would she.</p><p>"But we can't take them all down, it isn't possible."</p><p>Natasha smiled just slightly. She already knew that. Stopping a program that big was impossible in such a short space of time but they could do something about it in the meantime. They could take out the people they <em>knew </em>were involved for sure and they could hit them where it hurt: In their pockets. Take away the money...</p><p>"We can't and I know that. I'm not stupid or naive but we can go after the bastards that bought us like dolls for their own private missions because they're the ones that have the most to lose if we ever tell our stories. They played with people because they had the money to do it so we hit back. We take 'em out and we make sure that their fortunes stop funding the programs."</p><p>"Why? What do you hope to accomplish?" Yelena shook her head. It seemed impossible.</p><p>"They have information on us that they'll use if they have to. They'll find the best teams out there that'll be brave enough to come after us and we'll be either killed or taken back and sold off to the highest bidder probably for them to kill us themselves and I highly doubt it'll be as simple as a bullet to the brain. You've seen what some of them have done to people. Some hunt people like some kind of sick game others- Well... You know exactly what they are." </p><p>They made people like them look like saints. They were the worst of the worst and she'd be damned if she was going to die at the hands of some mercenary or hunted to her death by some rich asshole with too much free time and power to be prosecuted for whatever they may do to them.</p><p>"Him? He'll be used all over again but you and me? We're far more expendable. I need to know what they did to him and what they did to you so I can work out how to protect you both." And she needed to know there was no way in hell they could come after them.</p><p>"We don't need to kill them all just enough to send out a warning. Two maybe three and I know exactly who we go after first because he'll have the most on both of you. During the times I <em>was </em>able to find something on either of you it traced back to him."</p><p>"Anton." Yelena replied automatically, Natasha nodded.</p><p>There were few people in the world that had the power to scare Yelena Belova but Anton Karovich was one of them. The son of a bitch quite literally bought and sold people and that was when he was feeling generous, he was one of those that'd hunt you to your death rather than risk losing his prize if he thought he could have more fun with you. He'd hired them a few times over the years either as a part of his games in her case or for them to kill someone that threatened his fortune. He had no conscience, he had nothing good at all inside of him and people were just toys. He was the true definition of soulless.</p><p>"Is there anything you can remember that'll help us?"</p><p>Yelena looked thoughtful as she mulled over Natasha's question. She nodded.</p><p>"He has private files locked in his house, he kept all of the information he needed on us, our triggers, the cocktails we were fed... He has a machine in there in case they needed to extend our <em>stay </em>with him, he didn't like the idea of us going back to a facility. He has access to their highest systems from an encrypted computer but we won't have long. He's chipped like all of the others, the moment his heart stops we run out of time." </p><p>Natasha laughed. They really hadn't changed up their tricks much over the years.</p><p>"So we keep him alive until we get what we need." It sounded so easy.</p><p>Yelena shook her head though.</p><p>"It won't be that simple. He's not the kind of man to allow us to control <em>him </em>and you know that already. He'll do whatever he can to make sure we're stopped before we get what we need if he can."</p><p>"So what happens if we don't get what we need and get out before he dies?" If it was just losing access to a computer she could handle that.</p><p>She was more than proficient at hacking. So was Yelena.</p><p>"The house goes into full lockdown. Steel shutters, everyone inside is armed even <em>if </em>we kill them there's always toxins. I don't know if he's had his security systems changed since I was last there but he always told me if anyone killed him they'd never make it out alive."</p><p>Okay that was bad. Very bad. Gas masks, suits specifically designed to withstand... She was going to need help. She blew her hair out of her face in frustration. She couldn't get her hands on that kind of tac gear with a helping hand and not the kind Iosef could offer her.</p><p>"I'll get us what we need to get out alive but it's gonna take a few days maybe more depending on if he'll even help us." Natasha knew for a fact the person she needed help from would help her but helping Yelena was another matter entirely.</p><p>It'd be a damn huge favor she'd rather not owe... Especially not to Tony Stark. She really hated rich assholes that decided to take everyone down with them if they ever went to the hell they so very deserved. Son of a bitch had it coming but they were not going to die in the process.</p><p>"Do you two still have trackers?" She should've thought about that before.</p><p>Yelena shook her head.</p><p>"No, Anton made them deactivate and remove them years ago." </p><p>Well at least she could thank the asshole for that. That meant though that she was right and he still had his hands in every goddamn government pie in Eastern Europe which was a problem but not one that she cared about. They were ghosts, they could stay ghosts and no one had to know they were responsible for any of what was going to come.</p><p>"Give me time to get what we need, okay? I'll get us out alive." Natasha promised. "I won't let either of us die in there."</p><p>"We need those files but Natalia, you might not like what you find." Yelena warned gently. "You don't know what they made us do out there. It was so much more than just assassinations at least for me..."</p><p>So she'd been a part of his games. Natasha released a pained sigh and she moved to sit next to the blonde and laid her head on her shoulder. </p><p>"Yeah well it all stops now. No one goes through what either of you have at his hand ever again."</p><p>She could tell though that Yelena was afraid. She was afraid of the one person who'd fought for her so far finding something that'd make her decide she wasn't worth the redemption she was offered but she was just too proud to say it. </p><p>"I don't care what either of you did. I don't care that you've both tried to kill me over the years but I do care about making sure we figure out exactly what happened to you both so that when it all hits both of you? We can help."</p><p>And before that information fell into the hands of the US government who'd use it as a reason to lock both of them up for life or worse.</p><p>"HYDRA-" Natasha started to ask as she straightened up.</p><p>Yelena shook her head.</p><p>"Have no access to his files that I know of. He liaised with the director of the program and him alone from what I know. He always thought HYDRA was childsplay. It was another game to him, he wanted to prove that he could do what he wanted and as long as he offered the right price they'd accept it. His influence and his money must've been more important to them than knowing what he made The Winter Soldier do in his time with him." </p><p>Of course he did, he was so damn arrogant. He'd made their best asset do things that not even they knew about which meant that HYDRA getting access to those files just as much of a problem as the government that was indeed if HYDRA was in the dark or whether they'd use what they knew when the time was right. If it was as dark as Yelena believed it to be, they'd drop that when it would be the most devastating: Just when they'd started to rebuild their lives and when they felt like they were finally stable.</p><p>They'd use it as best they could as a trigger and an effort to pull them back into their world. Goddammit it. None of them could prove it one way or another because she had thought that there was no way they could ever invade SHIELD either but they'd been proved wrong. They were supposed to have been disbanded after The Red Skull in World War 2 but apparently nothing - absolutely nothing - from this dark world ever stayed dead, they just found new ways to screw with people and new ways to turn good people into monsters.</p><p>It was hardly any different from what she'd grown up with only there'd been less force and more direct orders. She'd thought she knew who she was killing for and that she was finally free of the world that she'd fought so hard to let go but it had just been manipulating her in a new way.</p><p>"What if we fail?" Yelena asked.</p><p>Natasha shrugged her head. In truth she had no idea what the hell they were going to do if they fail.</p><p>"He has files on you too, Natalia. If they get released-" Yelena spoke quietly.</p><p>Natasha already knew the results of that, if those files ever got released half of the governments and agencies that she'd crossed over the years - including the CIA - would have enough proof to either lock her in a very deep, dark hole or put her to death a thousand times over. If he had access to top level files and he managed to release them the damage would be irreparable and there'd be nowhere any of them could run that'd be far enough.</p><p>"We won't fail. We can't fail. We can't march directly into any of the facilities but him? He's a private civilian and the information he has and the access he has is just as good. We won't fail and we'll make sure no one ever gets their hands on what's in those files." She sounded angry.</p><p>Yelena couldn't blame her. She placed her hand on Natasha's arm.</p><p>"He'll have backup copies."</p><p>"Yeah well, we'll deal with whoever has those when we need to so buckle up kid, you're in for a rough ride." One problem at a time though.</p><p>Of course this was never going to be simple. Standing up, Natasha scooped up her phone and dialled a number she thought she'd be able to avoid until all of this was over.</p><p>"I need your help." She spoke reluctantly.</p><p>No one wanted to be indebted to Tony Stark. No one. It wasn't going to be as simple as getting where they needed to go and moving on no matter how much they might wish it was. There were miles in between here and there and now she needed to pull someone else in too even if it was just for a moment.</p><p>She hated these assholes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. It's the only way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Natasha introduces Tony to Yelena and begins the next part of what is sure to be a horrifying journey for both of them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucharest was a city Natasha knew well from a plethora of missions and personal visits over the years. She quite enjoyed the place if she was going to be honest. She liked the familiarity of it and there were few places in the world that she'd ever consider a place that she'd repeatedly visited as safe but this was one of them. It was a big place, it was easy to get lost and she knew enough ways to get in and out of the city center without getting caught.</p><p>She let out a soft yawn as she made the way into the hotel lobby with Yelena next to her who watched literally every stranger with paranoid eyes but Natasha reached out to grab her hand and squeeze it reassuringly. Tony had bought out a whole damn floor to make sure they weren't interrupted and no one asked questions. He'd paid enough to make sure of that too, this was probably one of the few times she'd be glad for Tony's ostentatious nature.</p><p>As they entered the elevator it was clear that the blonde was uncomfortable, Natasha looked at her and smiled. She knew that Yelena was going through hell right now, she was paranoid and every single person around her was a potential enemy and so far Natasha had been insistent that she had no weapons at all which was something that Yelena didn't press. She was still fighting the programming and she didn't want to wind up hurting someone. </p><p>"You're gonna be okay, I won't let anything happen to you." Natasha promised.</p><p>Yelena surveyed her uncertainly but offered a weak smile regardless. She was fidgety, she was struggling to stay still and it was clear that she couldn't relax no matter what anyone would say to her or regardless of what reassurances she might very well be offered and Natasha had offered her plenty, she didn't take Yelena's distrustfulness personally though. </p><p>"What if your <em>friend-</em>" Yelena spoke the word with a frown "Decides that the best thing to do with me is to inform the authorities?" </p><p>"Tony is an asshole but he's not <em>that </em>much of an asshole." She sounded just a little more unsure than she wanted to be.</p><p>Tony was capable of a lot of things but she hoped like hell he wouldn't see any benefit to turning Yelena over to the police. He didn't know all that much about Natasha's past so she doubted he knew who Yelena was but she couldn't rule out what was or wasn't in her SHIELD files. She remembered a lot of what she'd told them back when she'd been brought in but it had been hell for her so she couldn't rule out what she might have mentioned when she was struggling to come out of everything.</p><p>She'd fought like hell to keep most of her past a secret though, no one needed to know any of it. It wasn't relevant to her work with SHIELD or her work with The Avengers. It was her own, her own problem and her own pain so as far as Tony was concerned Yelena was simply a friend assisting Natasha on a mission to fix the mess that she was in. </p><p>"He doesn't know about you anyway." She shrugged slightly then. </p><p>The elevator pinged open and they stepped out into the penthouse and Natasha looked around. She still held Yelena's hand and she led her out of the elevator, they hadn't gotten more than a few steps before they came face to face with Tony Stark and he offered the redhead a bright grin before his eyes moved to her friend.</p><p>"Well, as joyous an occasion as you asking for <em>my </em>help is, you could've told me you were bringing a supermodel by. Pepper will get jealous..." </p><p>Natasha rolled her eyes at him and Yelena frowned.</p><p>"She's a friend, Tony. She's here to help me so can we just stick to why we're here?" Natasha was growing irate.</p><p>Tony offered a dramatic sigh before walking toward the minibar and pouring three glasses of scotch. </p><p>"Sit, have a drink." He offered both women with a gesture toward the sofa as he held out the glasses.</p><p>Natasha glanced at Yelena who was becoming more and more unsure on the situation by the second, she offered her a small nod noting her uncertain look and dropped her hand as she moved to sit down, Yelena after a moments hesitation followed Natasha and sat beside her accepting the glass on the coffee table in front of her simply for something to do with herself. Tony watched her hesitations and rose a brow curiously.</p><p>"So are all spies this uptight or is this one an exception?" </p><p>"She's been through a lot." Natasha ended that line of the conversation with that one statement. "Did you do what I asked?"</p><p>Tony studied the two of them anyway but nodded his head at her question.</p><p>"Yeah, your stuff is all ready for both of you. I'm tempted to ask you what it is you're about to do but I don't think you'd give me an answer." Still, he sounded curious.</p><p>Natasha let out a small laugh and shook her head.</p><p>"You're right, I won't. This is nothing to do with anyone except for her and I."</p><p>"Are you even going to introduce us?" Tony questioned. "Tony Stark." </p><p>He held out his hand over the coffee table to Yelena who watched him curiously before she reached out to shake his hand.</p><p>"Yelena Belova." She replied.</p><p>Natasha had said she trusted this man enough to help them so the very least she could do was tell him her name. Natasha looked somewhat surprised though that she hadn't offered him a fake name. It seemed the most obvious thing for her to do given her previous life, a life that had ended just over a month ago. Perhaps Yelena's mission for normalcy was far more intense than Natasha had initially thought.</p><p>"Yelena and I are friends." Sisters, or the closest thing Nat ever had to a sister.</p><p>She made a judgment call though to keep that information out of her conversation with Tony. Tony didn't need to know any of this because it had no relevance to the help that he was offering either of them. They needed the suits and that was as far as she was willing to let his involvement go, the less he knew the better.</p><p>"Well, whatever the two of you are doing sounds dangerous. Your suits will hold up against what you asked, they're equipped with a few weapons too just in case you get into a jam." Tony smiled, he knew it seemed likely from what he could gather about their mission.</p><p>Natasha didn't do anything the safe way.</p><p>"Thanks Tony, I appreciate the help." Natasha replied with a soft frown.</p><p>Tony knew her well enough to know that she didn't ask for help lightly so if she was asking for his help above everything else that meant that whatever it was, there were few people that were safe enough for her to reach out to. He didn't have the ties to SHIELD that she did so he'd had nothing to be exposed to the world unlike her.</p><p>"Natasha, be careful out there..." He warned carefully. He pulled a phone out of his pocket and held it out to her.</p><p>"It's specially designed tech, untrackable by anyone except me. If you need any help turn that on and if you press the icon on the top left of the screen it'll send me an alert." </p><p>She took it with a thankful smile, Tony Stark was an arrogant son of a bitch at the best of times but he cared. He had a good heart and she knew that he'd do all he could to help her when he could. She knew that if she got into trouble out there he'd do all he could to have her back and she appreciated that more than she could begin to tell him and so she settled instead for a Thank you.</p><p>He gestured to the suitcase to the left of the sofa.</p><p>"Your stuff is in there. It should be relatively straight forward but you can call if you have any questions. There're a few things I wrote down in case you needed to know." Tony explained.</p><p>"Tony? Whatever happens from here I just wanna thank you for your help." Truly, she meant that.</p><p>She really didn't mean to drag him into any of this. She knew that he could wind up in trouble for even helping her after what she'd done because she was way off book and on a mission that could result in her death and Yelena's too but she hoped like hell that she could come back from this alive. She <em>needed </em>to come back from this alive because she had so much more to do from here. She had so much more she needed to accomplish. </p><p>She still had someone to reach out to, she still had to figure out if there was a hope in hell of James remembering who she was and who they were to one another, she still had to fulfill her promise to Yelena and help her build a normal life. She could <em>not </em>die out there. She refused to let herself die at the hands of a bastard like that.</p><p>"Don't sound like you're saying goodbye, Romanoff." Tony replied with a raised brow.</p><p>She offered him a small smile.</p><p>"Not goodbye just take care of yourself." With that, she sighed and stood up. "We should go. We have a hell of a long way to go before any of this is close to over." </p><p>It was a battle that she wasn't sure either of them were ready for but one that they couldn't avoid forever. She still had to make sure Yelena was in some kind of fit state to fight, she still had to make sure the two of them could trust one another enough to fight side by side and that Yelena wasn't going to end up getting triggered and killing her.</p><p>She still had to make sure she was ready to throw herself back into that hell.</p><p>"Whatever it is you have to do out there be safe. We don't need to lose you." Tony replied as he glanced up at her. "I mean it, Romanoff. Be careful."</p><p>Yeah, if only it was that simple.</p><hr/><p>"He is your friend?" Yelena questioned as they drove out of the city, it would be dark soon.</p><p>She knew both of them would be glad when they reached the cabin they'd rented, everything was in cash and the old man that owned it had no interest in whatever they were doing because he'd been paid well enough <em>not </em>to pay any attention at all to them. Natasha had made sure he was paid well enough not to pay any attention. </p><p>"Kind of." Natasha replied as she mulled it over. "Sometimes he is other times I'm not so sure."</p><p>She and Stark had a tentative friendship at the best of times but he'd been more than willing to help her with what she'd needed so she supposed he wasn't all that bad. She had been able to trust him and she appreciated that more than she knew how to explain. She didn't have access to half of the resources that she did when SHIELD was around anymore and that meant that she had to trust in other people which was something she wasn't good with most of the time.</p><p>"Tony Stark is well known." Yelena shrugged then. "Even in our corner of the world we know about him."</p><p>Their corner of the world, what a peculiar and innocent sounding way to talk about a program full of assassins, mad scientists and manipulative handlers that used and abused people for their own gain. </p><p>"He gave us what we need and I trust him not to say anything to anyone about helping us." Natasha murmured.</p><p>She hoped like hell she was right. She hoped like hell she could trust him and she hoped like hell that what they were about to do wasn't going to get them both killed. As they pulled up outside of the cabin the two women exchanged a look before they both walked inside. Shrugging out of her jacket, Yelena turned to look at Natasha with a raised brow.</p><p>"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you? I thought you were supposed to trust me..." She drifted off trying not to sound too bothered by it.</p><p>"I do trust you it's just-" Natasha sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. "I'm worried."</p><p>Natasha didn't much like to admit that and Yelena could tell. She couldn't blame her, she'd walked away from this world years ago and everyone that stayed in it just got worse. They never got better, they never turned into nicer people over the years they just became more cruel if anything but she had a feeling that wasn't <em>all </em>she was worried about.</p><p>"You are worried about what we're about to do but that isn't all, is it?" Yelena needed Natasha to say it. </p><p>"No, it isn't all." she admitted. "I'm worried about you. I'm worried you'll lose it or you'll-"</p><p>"End up turning on you again?" The blonde interrupted. </p><p>Natasha shook her head though.</p><p>"No, not that. I'm worried you won't be able to handle it. I'm worried you'll slip back and you'll lose yourself or end up dead but I'm not worried about you turning on me. I'm worried about you being a risk to yourself specially if you start thinking you have something to prove to me." </p><p>"I can handle it." Yelena replied. "I won't lose it out there because I know just as well as you what is at stake. Our lives and our freedoms are not the only things at risk here." </p><p>Every single person in Natasha's life was at risk if either of them took even one wrong move. Natasha herself was at risk if she took even one wrong move and while Yelena knew Natasha would fight fiercely to protect her she hoped she'd fight just as fiercely to protect herself. She couldn't let her guard down. She couldn't let her guard down or allow herself to be distracted for even one moment or she'd just end up dead and all of this would be for nothing.</p><p>"I fear you'll lose yourself out there too, Natalia. I fear you'll slip up trying to keep me safe." Yelena sounded worried.</p><p>It brought a soft smile to Natasha's features. It was strange of her to think about Yelena being worried about her and stranger still to think of her actually working side by side with her after all of these years only not under the control of any of their handlers. </p><p>"Tomorrow we start training." Natasha replied. "We're gonna need it. I need to see if we can still fight together as well as we used to."</p><p>A hell of a long time had passed since that day and what had come to pass in both of their lives since then had changed absolutely everything for both of them. They weren't the same people they once were, they weren't those children that they'd been once upon a time trained with a singular purpose. Yelena Belova had become someone entirely different since that day and so had Natasha. They weren't even remotely similar, not even a tiny bit.</p><p>"Are you sure you can handle it?" Yelena replied playfully, Natasha laughed.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can deal with you just fine."</p><p>Sometimes, sometimes it really was like they were sisters... Sometimes it was easy to forget this girl had been raised as her rival and sent to take her life a few times over the years. Sometimes, sometimes it was all too easy to forget the fact that Yelena - just like her - was a ruthless killer capable of atrocities no one could understand.</p><p>Once in a while they even seemed human.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. We've stepped into a cruel world</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Before they wage into hell, they realise that not only are they human and in danger of dying but all they have is one another. An impossible situation, an alliance that should never have been and a promise that no matter what, they'd have each others backs.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They trained for five days before Natasha and Yelena fell into a pattern that both of them were comfortable with. They'd been raised to be rivals so working back to back was something that didn't come easily for either of them. It was Yelena's instinct to counter Natasha and vice versa and that wasn't going to help any of them. It was important that they found a way to cooperate if they were going to out into the field and work together. It was important for all of them and not just the two of them.</p>
<p>She'd tried to keep the talk of Bucky to a minimum but naturally Yelena had questions. She had always suspected that there was <em>something </em>going on between Natalia and The Winter Soldier especially after he was shoved back into Cryo and she was forced to marry Alexei. It made her wonder what it was that the two of them had done to deserve such fates when they'd worked so well together prior to that, she supposed that all the rumors were true.</p>
<p>She should've guessed as much but back then it hadn't seemed at all likely. They were all trained to believe that caring was nothing but a liability and one that they couldn't afford to have. They'd always been told that love was just a word. Just something to be thrown around to get an advantage to play someone and get them exactly where they wanted them. Love was just a word, it wasn't anything real to be <em>felt </em>or appreciated. </p>
<p>Natalia had always seemed so cold and emotionless back when, at least until Barnes and then she'd seemed... Something else. Yelena at the time had assumed it was merely because the two of them worked so well together but she'd come to suspect quickly that it was more. She'd never voiced it though, they weren't trained to ask questions and asking questions meant that their handlers had cause to believe that they were... Well... Rebelling she supposed.</p>
<p>Belova glance over at her redheaded cohort and she tilted her head to the side.</p>
<p>"You're still avoiding my questions." She stated it almost simply with a shrug of her shoulders.</p>
<p>Natasha turned to her with a frown and shook her head.</p>
<p>"I'm not avoiding <em>anything </em>I'm trying to make sure you stay on track." She shot back almost immediately.</p>
<p>Yelena noted immediately how defensive she was and she let out a laugh and shook her head. She sat on the floor with her legs crossed in front of the fire while Natasha occupied a chair a little to the left of her. She reached back to pull a cushion off of the chair behind her and threw it at Natasha.</p>
<p>She could've sworn for one brief second that Natasha actually smiled. She laughed at shook her head. Yelena had never really had the chance to be anything close to human, not the way that Romanov did, she'd gotten out, she'd gotten the friends and the chance to be something else. She'd gotten SHIELD and a chance at a real future away from all of the craziness and evils of The Red Room. A part of Yelena - even if she hadn't realised it until now - was glad that she'd gotten out.</p>
<p>She hadn't really found a way to tell her that. She wasn't even sure that Natalia would believe her even if she did say something but still, she offered her a kind smile and reached out to place her hand on her knee.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you're better." She murmured softly. "I'm really glad you got out." </p>
<p>She really, truly wasn't sure that Natasha would ever believe her. Maybe she'd think she was just saying it, maybe she'd think that it was just another game that she was playing the way that they were trained was to get into peoples heads in order to manipulate them and use them. Maybe Natalia would think she was doing the same though nothing could be further from the truth. Right now was the most genuine she'd ever been in her life.</p>
<p>Right now was the most human she'd ever been in her life too.</p>
<p>"Before you start to think I'm doing something bad, I'm not- You never had the chance to be normal and nor did I. You deserve that chance now. You deserved the chance to get out when you did and build a life." She was being genuine, really, truly genuine.</p>
<p>"And you came back for me when you didn't have to." She added quietly. "You saved me, too."</p>
<p>She wasn't quite sure how to thank Romanov for it. She knew that she'd gotten out. She'd known the risks she was taking and yet she was willing to take it anyway. To this day she wasn't sure why she'd agreed to go with her, she still felt the magnetic pull in the back of her mind to run back where she'd come from but she couldn't do that. She <em>wouldn't </em>do that because the punishment she'd face would be severe and she'd lose any chance she had at a normal life.</p>
<p>"Yeah well, someone had to save your dumb ass before you got it killed for something that wasn't worth it." Natasha smiled as she spoke.</p>
<p>She squeezed Yelena's hand. </p>
<p>"You're the closest thing I have to a sister. We were raised to be rivals, we fought more times than we got along but that's what siblings do, right? I don't wanna see you die, Yelena. I never wanted to see you die. You're a <em>huge </em>pain in the ass but you're still better here than you were there." She was never supposed to care, not for James, not for Yelena, not for Steve or Clint or Tony or anyone else. She was supposed to be the perfect little weapon.</p>
<p>She wasn't. She was more human than she'd ever understood until Clint Barton had saved her that night. She'd been fighting it ever since James. Making her marry Alexei had been a punishment for her but the fact that they'd made her think she loved the son of a bitch was probably the biggest insult to her. She hadn't ever loved anyone except James and she never would she knew that but they'd taken that away from her, too.</p>
<p>Absently, her hand moved to the scar on her abdomen and she glanced down at it. The one on her shoulder - while fresher - hadn't bothered her as much as the one in her abdomen did. That was the first time that he'd shot her, actually shot her and it bothered the hell out of her because a part of her wanted him to stop. To know her, to come back to the one place in the world he really belonged but she'd come face to face with the monster they'd made of her soulmate that day and it had been hard as hell.</p>
<p>Natasha had a mission, he had a mission and while she wasn't it she was collateral damage. He'd been willing to let her be collateral damage to get his mission done but he'd missed anything vital. Twice. He'd missed the killshot twice now and that had her believing there was still something in him worth saving.</p>
<p>Yelena noted the movement of her hand but then Natasha knew she would. She was highly trained and she didn't doubt for a second that Belova would read the pain in her eyes too. She didn't say a word though, instead she just sat there silently while Natasha worked through what she was going through and she released a soft sigh.</p>
<p>"You're going to get him back, I haven't seen you fail yet." She spoke softly after several long moments.</p>
<p>"We have something else to do, someone else is dealing with Barnes." She hadn't heard from Rogers yet. </p>
<p>She'd checked her phone a few times but... Steve wasn't the best with texting. She'd probably get a better response if she texted Sharon. She made a mental note to do that. Sharon would be the one out of the two of them that was actually going to answer because Steve... Well Steve and technology did not mix well.</p>
<p>"Do you honestly think we can do this?" Yelena's eyes flicked to Natasha's face as she spoke, she finally pulled her hand back.</p>
<p>"We'd better be able to, our future rests on it." She spoke with a grimace, it was easy to tell she wasn't happy about it.</p>
<p>"Well, I think we've trained well enough for it and your friend gave us apt equipment for it." Yelena was trying her best to be comforting but she doubted it was working. </p>
<p>They were well trained enough, they had the equipment they needed and they had an intel on security systems and the layout of his compound but that didn't mean things couldn't change. There was always that risk, that wildcard that no one could see coming. That risk, that life or death moment where something went wrong and you were left fighting in a situation that you hadn't expected hoping you could make it through...</p>
<p>She knew they'd both been in that situation more than enough times. They'd both had missions gone awry through unknown variables and it was a chance that they all had to take in this line of work but she knew too that it was those unknown variables that Natasha was worried about. It was unknown variables she was worried would trigger her into something the same something that she'd spent these last few weeks trying to get away from.</p>
<p>But like Natasha had said: They were like family and family stuck together.</p>
<p>"It'll work out, it has to." Yelena sounded insistent as she spoke. She brushed her blonde hair back out of her face.</p>
<p>"You're the one that sounds confident about this, it's odd." Natasha sounded amused as she spoke. "I'm putting my life in your hands, Yelena. Don't make me regret that."</p>
<p>She had to make it through this, it was her only chance to find her way back to her friends. It was her only chance to wipe the slate clean and make sure that no one had anything they could hold over them, if those files were released, the files that showed the world who she <em>really </em>was, she would truly lose everything and she'd spend the rest of her life locked up with no one there for her because they'd all know that she'd done nothing but lie to them.</p>
<p>She wouldn't blame her friends if they turned their backs on her after that. They were going to have to find out sooner or later but she wanted it to be on her terms, after everything that she'd been through and all that she'd endured through over the years she deserved that much. She deserved to tell her story her way and when she was ready to do so but only to the people that she trusted. No one else could know, no one else needed to know.</p>
<p>Yelena rolled her eyes though.</p>
<p>"If I wanted you dead Romanov, you'd be dead by now." She sounded way too bright as she spoke.</p>
<p>Natasha looked at her with a raised brow and shook her head before she laughed. She pulled herself down to sit on the floor with Yelena.</p>
<p>"Looks like we really are all we have right now." She shrugged then. "No one I'd rather be in this mess with than you."</p>
<p>And she meant that, as impossible as it seemed if anyone was going to have her back right now she was glad it was Yelena. She had just as much to lose as Natasha did now, if those files were released she'd spend the rest of her life locked up in as deep and dark a hole as someone could find if she wasn't killed first. Natasha would fight for her as hard as she could but she was likely to be in that hole right along with her.</p>
<p>She was likely to be in the sights of that rifle right after her too if things did go the other way. They were in the same boat and right now all they had was each other, they should've had one another all along. They were just children, foolish and young and hopeful that they could make it out of there alive because the program - graduating it anyway - was the only way that they were going to survive. They would've been killed just like all the others girls if they'd failed.</p>
<p>They were the best of the best, it made a whole hell of a lot of sense to fight back to back than spend their lives trying to kill one another when they hadn't always been enemies. Back when they'd been children they'd fought to keep one another alive, why did that have to be any different now to the way it had been back then? Yelena Belova was not a lost cause and this proved it. Iosef - as much as she loved him - had been wrong.</p>
<p>Sometimes all it took was for someone to hold out a hand. Sometimes all it took was someone to prove they were willing to take a chance on you just like Clint Barton had done for her. In the next few days they were going to try to pull off an operation that could end with both of them being killed or exposed.</p>
<p>All they had was each other.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I'm gonna show you crazy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Uh... How the hell did their mission end up getting crashed?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This will now continue in the following part of the series which is put up ^.^ The following part will go with Bobbi and Clint's part, how they get here and everything and round it all up to them all coming together, what happens with Yelena and Clint and what happens from there and how they get out and home again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had taken days of going over a plan for both of them to be comfortable with going in, Yelena was far more hotheaded and eager to run into a situation than Natasha was but the SHIELD training she'd received had taught her that sometimes - even if you didn't have a solid way out - having some form of plan was a good idea, she and Clint made a habit of never having an extraction plan but most of the time they had each other.</p><p>She didn't have Clint this time around, she had Yelena and she hadn't run any kind of op with her since the late 80's and back then they'd been brainwashed and told what they were going to do. It hadn't been like they'd had to come up with a plan for themselves. Natasha - as it turned out - was actually really good at coming up with a strategy, see? SHIELD training.</p><p>Yelena found herself sort of impressed with that, she'd never been the one to come up with a plan before she was far more used to being instructed and told what she was going to do and having it literally forced into her head that she had no other choice. This wasn't the case this time around and Natasha gave her a say in all of this which was something that threw her off. She wasn't used to being asked what she <em>wanted </em>to do. She wasn't used to being asked if she was okay with something.</p><p>She simply wasn't used to being given a choice and Natasha saw that and she'd done her best to work her through it. She'd done her best to tell her that she didn't have to go ahead with any of this if she didn't want to, Natasha was adamant that she was capable of going in alone but despite her being new to this whole choosing her own life thing, Yelena had been just as adamant that she wasn't going to let her go in alone and she wasn't going to let her put her ass on the line by herself.</p><p>They worked well together back in the day but that was when they didn't have a choice and now they did but after weeks and weeks of training and learning to trust each other, they actually made just as good a team now as they had back then. It was an interesting thing to discover. They'd spent weeks doing recon and looking into everything that they could along with combing through both Natasha and Yelena's memories of working for this man years ago.</p><p>Both of them were hopeful that not much had changed in his security or his routine since then but men like him were creatures of habit and comfortably so because they though that they were untouchable. They were wrong and the two of them were intent on proving that to him because after all he'd done to them and people like them over the years. After all they'd done to the man she loved over the years he deserved whatever punishment the two of them deemed worthy for him but she kept that silent in her head.</p><p>Not like Yelena didn't already know anyway, she was annoyingly intuitive. She hadn't outright asked questions but then it wasn't relevant to what they were doing, when it was all over though she knew she would. She was such a pain in the ass that way.</p><p>The waiting until nightfall was probably Natasha's least favorite part about all of it. She didn't mind the travel, she didn't mind the planning but sitting around waiting gave her too much time to think and that wasn't something that she needed at this point, what she needed was to get in there and get this the hell over with. She just wanted to get what she could and make sure that the virus she planned on planting wiped the whole goddamn system.</p><p>No one out there was going to have a goddamn thing over any of them anymore and she'd make sure of it, she knew that there'd be repercussions for it but they'd know already by now that coming after any of them was foolish. Alone they were dangerous but together with no one controlling them? They were lethal. She hoped like hell that Steve had found James and that she could find her way back to him at some point.</p><p>The though that he might never remember her at all was exactly why she hadn't tried to find out if he had or not yet, she wasn't ready to face that heartbreak when she had a mission to do, she needed to focus, she didn't need to feel like she was having her heart ripped out. Again.</p><p>Sunset fell and Yelena glanced over at Natasha, placing her hand on her arm as she gave a singular nod before she split off and vaulted over the wall. They were going in in two separate ways, one to take the security on one side of the compound and one on the other; Natasha had already disabled the CCTV systems and it wouldn't be long now until they noticed and things were going to get chaotic fast. They needed to move.</p><p>Entering the other side, Natasha focused on getting the mission done and that alone. Immediately, four guns were pointed at her but her mentor had trained her well. The redhead dropped taking two down by shots to the knees, she rolled to the side and took the other two with shots to the head. They had bulletproof vests on but weren't wearing anything on their heads. Mercs were so arrogant. </p><p>Four down.</p><p>She kept moving, dodging a hail of bullets that had her literally roll her eyes, that one must be a rookie. A new recruit she guessed. He seemed pretty damn intent on wasting his ammo without knowing where his target actually <em>was </em>but he was taken out rather quickly by Yelena who glanced down at Natasha from the balcony and smirked. Natasha shook her head. She looked like she was having <em>way </em>too much fun with all of this but then she couldn't really say she wasn't herself. </p><p>She couldn't focus too much on who she'd been before today. She couldn't focus on the person SHIELD had trained, she had to be Natalia. This was a job for someone that knew the darkest sides of the world and not someone that fought to save the light. This wasn't SHIELD. This wasn't sanctioned. People had to die.</p><p>She told herself that over and over as the two of them moved through their respective paths dispatching one idiot after another that took one look at the fact that they were female and thought they could get the better of them, see? Mercs were arrogant. She tried her best to keep her mind singular. She tried her best to focus on the mission and the mission alone because there was no goddamn way in hell she was going to make it through this if she didn't.</p><p>Goddammit Barton, why the hell did you have to make me a good person? She cursed her best friend in her mind. This wasn't what good people did. The thought momentarily distracted her as she wondered if her best friend had gotten someplace safe, she hadn't heard anything from him either though it wasn't like she was checking in regularly with anyone so she probably had a thousand messages if he was safe. Clint cared.</p><hr/><p>Yelena Belova didn't have the ties to anyone outside like Natalia did, she didn't have friends. She didn't have a family. She didn't have anyone beyond Natalia that cared whether or not she made it through this even slightly so she was reckless with her actions, she was a damn good operative and she always had been. She - it appeared - was <em>terrible </em>at assessing a situation for danger though without her programming. </p><p>She dived out of the way at the very least second of a shot that would've gone clean through her forehead if she hadn't and she pulled her gun close to her chest; the metal was hot beneath her hand from the shots fired in the last few minutes and she closed her eyes just to listen. Just to listen to the noises around her, the sound of movement, the sound of breathing... This guy had no idea where she was anymore but he was breathing loudly.</p><p>She knew exactly where he was.</p><p>She shot just a few feet to the left of him and he reacted. Rookie mistake. She spun then from the wall and shot him clean through the head. Idiot. She couldn't help the smirk on her features and a laugh broke her lips, her eyes were alight with amusement and that probably wasn't a good thing but she shrugged it off and carried on her way. She hadn't promised Natalia she'd be a good person. She hadn't promised that she'd be a saint.</p><p>She was a killer, an assassin and that's what she was good at. She was never going to be a goddamn saint and she knew Natalia knew that or she wouldn't have brought her along. She didn't need someone that was going to second guess what needed to be done, she needed someone that was going to get the goddamn job done and that was her. Everything went white.</p><p>And loud.</p><p>The flash bang threw Yelena instinctively low, the ringing in her head had her hands fly to her ears and her gun was dropped along with it. She lay there trying to focus through the sudden blast of sound and light and she grumbled to herself about how much of a cheap shot it was. She hated crap like that, it was childsplay and a stupid, vain attempt to stay alive. </p><p>Needless to say she was <em>pissed. </em></p><p>By the time the ringing in her head cleared she was laid on her back looking up at a semi automatic rifle pointed at her head; Yelena did little but frown as she swung her foot up and connected with the mercs stomach. She'd been trained not to fear death, she'd been trained not to accept it easily either. He stumbled and it gave her enough chance to grab her gun and vault to her feet, falling down so hard had caused a series of cuts down the left side of her cheek but she barely noticed aside from the slight stinging pain she could feel.</p><p>It seemed utterly irrelevant though. His arm swung out and he'd have had a damn good shot to her jaw too if she wasn't quicker than he was. She ducked, connecting two quick blows to his abdomen then his kidney as she slipped around him easily enough. Her hands slipped to either side of his head and with one swift movement and a loud, impossible crack his neck snapped and he fell to the floor. She hadn't thought it possible for the human body to make such a noise but the resistance she felt beneath her hands as she forced his head in an impossible direction should've been a clue.</p><p>It wasn't the first time she'd snapped someone's neck but she didn't remember exactly what happened the last time she had. It had all been programming.</p><p>She simply shrugged as she stepped over his body. She made her way into what should've - if she recalled correctly - been that son of a bitch's office. He'd be holed up there because it required a security code to get inside. Creatures of habit who thought they were untouchable... She remembered the damn code. What a fool he was, it would've been smart to change it but that was the issue with people connected with HYDRA and The Red Room: They thought they were invincible.</p><p>They thought they were untouchable. They thought they were protected. They were wrong.</p><p>As the door opened, she looked inside and immediately noted the man tied unconscious to a chair and the man with a bow pointed clearly at her heart; he stood confident in both his stance and his position and he seemed confident in his skills. She rose a brow as she studied him. What. The. Hell. He told her to drop her gun which earned him nothing but a humorless laugh.</p><p>That was <em>not </em>going to happen.</p><hr/><p>Romanov moved through the compound effortlessly, this son of a bitch had a whole separate room for his computer systems which made sense. It was in a lab just below the ground floor of the building. It would've been a basement if he were a normal person but he wasn't. In that same place was a chair, a machine similar to the one that had been used to wipe her all those years ago and she was hoping like hell she could push past the pain that it would force to the surface. She heard the chaos above her and she kept telling herself that Yelena could handle it.</p><p>Yelena was more than capable of keeping herself alive but now she was Natasha's responsibility too, she'd dragged her into all of this. She was the one that had gotten her to leave, she was the one that had promised her a second chance. She was responsible for Yelena's life whether or not the blonde thought she was. </p><p>Inside of her mind, Natasha was a raging war. She knew that this was necessary, she knew that it was something that had to happen. She was trying her damn best to focus on the mission and as things fell silent above her she hoped it was because the blonde had succeeded in getting where she needed to be and subdued their target and not because she'd been shot dead. Natasha did <em>not </em>want Yelena to die. </p><p>The silence above her now was almost deafening and she was dreading what she might find if she got out of this place alive... </p><p>All she could do was hope that the server room code - like Yelena had said - hadn't changed since the last time she'd been here two years ago but the door was wide open. It was then that Natasha truly looked around and looked at the three guards off to the right of her that were out cold. How had she missed that?</p><p>Who the hell was in here?</p><p>She lifted her gun as she stepped toward the door quietly, pointing her gun to the back of the head of someone leaning over the computer. Immediately, the person reacted and held up her hands as Natasha spoke telling her to get the hell away from the computer. </p><p>"Easy there, Romanoff. I'm on your side." The blonde turned to look at Natasha then. "Put the damn gun down, would you?"</p><p>Natasha immediately became a mixture of curious and angry as she figured out who the hell it was she was pointing a gun at. Of all of the people in the world she could've possibly run into out here and against all impossible odds, Bobbi Morse... How the hell was Bobbi Morse here?</p><p>"Bobbi?! What the hell are you doing here?" Nat demanded. "If you went freelance and you're working for this son of a bitch..."</p><p>Bobbi just laughed and shook her head. There was no way in hell she'd ever do anything like that, Bobbi Morse wasn't the type to turn Merc no matter what happened or how desperate she got and she was a little bit wounded that Natasha would even ask. </p><p>"Same thing as you probably, let me guess: This son of a bitch has files you need for something?"</p><p>"Yeah..." She sounded wary.</p><p>"Well me too so I guess this means we're working together, now can I get back to what I was doing or do you wanna talk this out some more?"</p><p>All Natasha could do was stare at her. Bobbi Morse rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I'll explain when we're done, okay? It'll all make sense young padawan, relax."</p><p>"Fine but I need to do something when you're done and I don't need you asking me questions, I need files on a few things then I'm gonna wipe the whole damn system." Natasha's determined tone earned her a smile from Bobbi.</p><p>"Fine by me." Bobbi replied with a shrug.</p><p>She had no problem at all letting their systems be wiped. No one could use whatever was buried in here to hurt anyone that way and she needed the information here to help Bucky. Helping Bucky was the whole damn reason she was here to begin with.</p><p>While Natasha wanted to demand answers she had absolutely no time at all to argue with Bobbi at all. They were in a time scale and they needed to get what they needed and get the hell out before that clock clicked down to zero and everyone inside of here died, naturally she was curious but there was time for answers later, right now they just needed to get the goddamn job done.</p><p>Okay, this was far more complicated than she'd thought it was going to be... Now that she stopped to think about it, security <em>had </em>been rather light... Ah hell.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Continuation <3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Please find the continuing thing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156086/chapters/55419751">HERE</a></p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>